My sheets look like a crime scene.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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