I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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