News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
