i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
