I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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