What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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