I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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