My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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