if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
