You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I will die if light touches me.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
