I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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