Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
