Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
