i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
