I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
