apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
