i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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