i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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