i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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