Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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