I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize