I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
