Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
