My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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