i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
