Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize