I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
