So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
