I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
