i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
