dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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