I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
