I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
