the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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