You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
