Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
