Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
