Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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