her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
