I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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