so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
