I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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