OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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