I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
