so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
