so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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