You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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