Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
