you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You ruined the universe
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
