that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
