Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
