what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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