You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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