So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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