Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
