no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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