shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
only you would photoshop your dick
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
