haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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