jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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