And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
