why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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