...so i touched it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
