I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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