we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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