Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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