So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
