Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
