I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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