I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
